Saturday, January 1, 2011

Specimens

Specimen One :
The crochet chain. Nothing exciting here folks, the crafter seemed to understand this concept and achieved chainage relatively quickly. There was some concern about how 'chainy' it should look and the crafter could not help but associate her tiny chain with her anal so-tight-you-can't-get-the-needle-in attempts at knitting.
Specimen Two:
The Magic Ring (and yes I laughed). This is went things began to go seriously south. First through seventeenth attempt resulted in growing confusion and spontaneous exclamations of swear words. Slow motion action replay with the help of Mr YouTube meant that this strange apparently two holed Magic ring appeared. As it grew it became more and more convoluted and appeared to grow a sub-ring from one side. The crafter grew panicky and thought maybe just some straight bits would be better.

Specimen Three:
Go on ! laugh get it out of your systems. In truth this is actually about specimen nine. The crafter seemed to have some mental block preventing anything even close to success here. The crafter is now completely unable to determine the front or the back, let alone see the 'little V's' or the chain or throw your leg over bit or which end of the friggin string she should be using.

This great book should in no way be held responsible for this crafter's lack of ability.
Nor should the wonderful Alice who wrote a great review of the book, nor should all the people in the whole bloody world, Annie, Kate, Nikki, Lara, Suzie, and the queen of creations herself, Jess who make it look so easy, feel any remorse for setting me on the track to such frustration and failure - I managed that bit all by self.
I am bowed but not beaten

52 comments:

  1. Oh Jodie.... I just don't know what to say.... you made me laugh so much.... we have all been there.... I just use the bin instead of the camera!!! keep going.... those darling little creatures are worth it....
    Hugz

    ReplyDelete
  2. I thought I had accepted I was a crochet dunce and that everyone in the ENTIRE world can crochet except me. I am heartened to see there are actually two of us .

    I'm comtemplating taking a class this year , except Iworry about the ensuing public humiliation or worse still being kicked out of crochet school.

    How brave of you to post pictures of your left thumbed-ed-ness Jodie! I wish I had your guts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laughing so much!!
    I was sitting with Mr YouTube yesterday trying to whip up a simple crochet flower...
    Mr YouTube let me down badly and I gave up after about 5 minutes!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So THAT'S where I have been going wrong! All I need do is throw the occasional leg over...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jod, you KNOW you are the little engine that could! I am relying on you. I am crapper than crap at crochet and it is on the list of things I want to get to grip with this year; we might have to do some sweet talking to Annie ... Happy new year.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jodie...when you do get the hang of it..a word of advice whispered in your ear...never...never..ever change colour...do everything in just your favourite colour, 'cos sewing in all those little stray ends sends you crazy!!! Say NO to stripes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hellloooooo!!! And Happy New Year, Jodie!!! I've just been catching up and LOVE those tape-cassette gift tags... and the cushion... and I hope all goes well this weekend for you and Miss 19, on her moving house.

    I have visions of your frog in the sock!!! A crocheted sock!! :-)

    Hugs sweetie! Vikki xo :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. ROFLMAO! I feel your pain! I *can* crochet (mostly) and you should see my specimen! I am learning a new stitch (something about chain 3 & pull thru 3 loops on last) using 2 different colors & a double-ended hook, that's about 24 inches long. Oh, geez, it's comical, to say the least. Sometimes there are FOUR loops left, and sometimes only TWO, when there should ALWAYS be three. Wonder how that happened. Oh, and what's that big extra blob of white, where it should be blue? Oh, do I care? Nope. It's more fun doing it my (and YOUR) way!! Thanks for sharing!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Start with something easy like a granny square not amigurumi. I've been slowly teaching myself to crochet this year and I've only just mastered magic rings and amigurumi. Keep on trying though. I think I spent a month unraveling before I made anything vaguely successful lol.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Good luck in conquering the crochet beast, I am craptacular at it myself, but unlike you, I can't really be bothered trying too hard to get it... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've been trying a bit of the old crochet too. I am improving but tension in crochet seems much harder to achieve than it is in knitting. May have something to do with the spazzy way I hold my hook. Happy New Year Crafter x

    ReplyDelete
  12. Get to specimen 7,529 and we'll talk. But I disagree with Sarah - I found everything completely baffling till I got to amigurumi where it all made sense. I've taught a *lot* of people to crochet and most people find it baffling until about 7,528. After that it's all smooth sailing. Let 2011 be the year of yarn!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't think all the "Dummies" books, youtube tutorials, charts, directions... that are in the world will ever make it possible for me to Crochet. GOOD LUCK!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh, I just want to come hold your hand and feed you chocolate until you stop saying bad words :) I just taught my mother-in-law to crochet yesterday, and she's already got the back of a baby sweater finished. If she can do it, so can you!

    I recommend the Stitch and Bitch Happy Hooker book - it's got the best diagrams of any crochet book I've read (and that's a lot, believe me).

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hang in there Jodie its just like riding a horse.....first rule when you fall off get straight back on!!

    If its any consolation I never got crochet until about 18mths ago and You Tube was my saviour! Keep going I found that once my hands got the memory of holding the yarn which is so cack handed compared to knitting it all came together :-) PS Happy New Year

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lies, craft room of LIES!! I reckon the ONLY way to learn how to crochet (in general, tiny cute Japanese animals are surely deluxe level) is to have an experienced crocheter show you in the flesh, as i think they all keep crochet secrets when they write instructions, so we don't really know what we're doing. Hang in there, i plan to grab Corrie from RetroMummy & hell, i'll breastfeed her baby if she can teach me how to crochet!! Love Posie

    ReplyDelete
  17. ...Anal...magic ring...naughty little giggle...

    ReplyDelete
  18. ROFL!! You are so funny! Happy New Year to you and your loved ones :)
    And I am sure that before we are too far into 2011, you are crocheting amigurumi treasures!

    ReplyDelete
  19. sorry Jodie, I'm laughing too much (crying with laughter actually) to post anything except, good on you for trying so many "specimens" at one sitting....I'm sure it will get easier....thanks for the laugh (of course not at your expense, just your explanations expense!)
    Happy New Year,
    Julz

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh dear....I saw this lovely post this morning http://jezzeblog.blogspot.com/2010/11/string-thing.html
    and thought perhaps I would give it a go. I have tried before but to no avail I can knit but not crochet. Now I have read of your exploits perhaps I could pay someone to make me that nice hat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. 2011 is off to a great start already. Thanks Jodie!

    I so wish I could come teach you to knit (or more to the point you come here!), but I do NOT crochet. I know people who can and if I want cute I'll ask one of them to make it for me ;-)

    Roll on specimen 7529.

    Cheers,
    AJ

    ReplyDelete
  22. I learned via Youtube last year. Mine turned out just like yours. A new trend perhaps?
    What really helped me was switching to a GIANT hook for practice. You can see the stitches way better.... then graduate to the smaller and then the tiny one you have.
    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  23. You can do it, I know you can, if anyone can.
    You just need someone to teach you, I couldn't do until I actually sat down with someone and they showed me.
    I'm very happy to be that person xo

    ReplyDelete
  24. That's kind of what my crochet looks like too - although yours is slightly better :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I don't crochet.
    The evil hook scares me.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You can, you can, you can..... had the added bonus of having learned when I was a kid ad then put it down for about 30 years..... it was "like riding a bike" stuff.

    You should talk to Catherine(you know, the Kate WInslet one... I taught her the basics of crochet and she went away thinking she's never get it...and has since been amigurumi-ing octopi like nobody's business... I think Sooz is onto something about the amount of specimens to expect before perfection.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I mean "I" had the added bonus....

    ReplyDelete
  28. I can't follow a crochet pattern to save my life. If I crochet I have to make it up as I go along - which means it's a sort of Kittycraft rather than crochet. The exception has been Anna's (Attic 24) ripple pattern.

    Happy New Year to you and yours, Jodie. Hope you all have a great one :) x

    ReplyDelete
  29. You WILL be able to do it - of that I am certain!

    ReplyDelete
  30. For 18 frustrating years I watched my mother knit item after item and I tried so many times to follow her example and learn to knit. I examined her technique in detail but never, ever, 'got' it. Then, at Teachers College some one else showed me and 'poof' off I went! My mother is a left handed knitter, I am a right handed knitter.
    Get someone to show you and start simple.
    (By the way, my grandmother taught me to crochet)
    Happy new Year :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. No idea what everyone else has said but here's what got me finally on the straight and straight with crochet - YouTube. watch them do it on YouTube. it was the only thing that taught me.

    ReplyDelete
  32. The very first thing I did on this New Year's Day was put a load of clothes in to wash. The second thing was visit your blog, and you got my year off to a great start! (Happy New Year) Crocheted dish rags are so very useful, and a great way to figure out a comfortable way to hold the hook in one hand and the yarn in the other. I am worse than you at crochet, but I have made three wobbley edgled dish cloths so far, and may get the hang of it yet. I use size "I" hook and cotton yarn so I can see what I'm doing. By year after next I may get to a skill level beyond dish clothes. LOL. Tee hee, my word verification is "unsne" and I do sometimes have to unsne the thing and start over.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Granny Squares.... It was the first thing I learned in home-ec class, Thanks Mrs. Wibberly for being so patient with your very tiny class of 11 grade nine girls.... An invaluable skill that I'm sorry to say is no longer taught in our Canadian grade 9 curriculum, very sad....

    But start with the classic granny, it's the easiest for learning how to hold the hook, yarn, starting foundation rows & rings... You WILL get it.... if I could learn it, ANYONE can!

    Best of luck ;)

    ReplyDelete
  34. keep with it, you WILL get it - you just need to loosen that beginning chain a bit! I find crocheting in the round much easier than doing rows - have a go at some granny goodness!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hi Jodie, hehe this made me laugh, I am trying to teach myself how to crochet too and wrote a post about it yesterday, I'm finding it quite difficult to be honest! I'm sure you will get there, I hope that you have a wonderful New Year. Sarah x

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh, Jodie, you are just too, too funny!! Once you quit fighting the hook and yarn, it will come ... I know you can do it, you are unstoppable and will not stop until you "get it"!! We all know that, now we just have to convince YOU!

    My nemesis right now is toe-up socks. I have tried dozens of cast ons, but it still eludes me ... but I will master it - there is no choice. I want to so I will until I go nuts!

    Many good wishes for a great 2011, and by 2012 you will be whipping up Amigurumi critters in nothing flat!

    Hugs,
    Yvette

    ReplyDelete
  37. crochet takes time to learn. When I was learning, I started with the granny square, everything else I tried looked horrible and frustrated me

    ReplyDelete
  38. Every time I take up a project I have to sort out whether crochet is the one where the loops stay on the hook or the one where the loops come off the hook. Every. Time.

    I learned crochet from an old Coats and Clarks beginners booklet - I still have it and go back to it for basics. Start with a bigger hook - some thing in the medium range (H or J) and acrylic yarn (bedause as many times as you are going to start over, you need forgiving yarn). Tension is a bugger - it will happen with practice.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Maybe you need Yoda in your craft room. Just close your eyes, take up the hook and yarn and feel the dark side. I say dark side because once you get the knack (and you will), it's horribly and fantastically addictive.
    Good thing to while some time whilst you're on hols. And I do agree with the others, getting someone to show me was how I learnt. Don't be a hooker alone!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. That was a very funny post! I haven't read all the comments but I did glance over a few, I'm like Nikki I learnt as a child and had about 30 year break and came back to it. The other one was the person who said don't change colour beacause the ends are a pain to sew back in at the end. The trick is to crochet those edges in as you go then you only have a few to do at the very end of your work. When you are ready for that pop over to my blog if you like and ask me to explain how I do it is very simple really but it might be overload right now! Good luck I'm sure you'll get it!

    ReplyDelete
  41. lol
    yeah when i crochet a circle it ends up a square.....

    ReplyDelete
  42. So that looks like perfect samples of beginner crochet to me - you do know those 'experts' have had a gazillion hours of practice!

    Crochet is about calm and relaxed rhythm - Enjoy

    ReplyDelete
  43. You managed a little scarf! I have never managed more than a sad little beard.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Loving it! Your attempts are sooo much better than mine!

    ReplyDelete
  45. happy new year Jodie!! Oh I can sooooooo relate to this I have tried sooooooo many times to crochet and STILL haven't got it but everyone ASSURES me it's easy!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I am not even going there. I ma happy to pay Jess for her creations. It causes far less stress and far more excitment looking at the ned product.

    but in other news... my mojo is rising. xx

    ReplyDelete
  47. OK so learning to crothet was on my wish list for 2011 BUT if YOU can't do it then it doesn't leave me feeling very hopeful....

    ReplyDelete
  48. This little Frenchman is wonderful. More?!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I can so relate.Lol. I bought the book before this one and had the same problem. Visited a friend for help and she had probs too, but we persevered and with a bit of artistic interpretive license, managed to finally make a magic circle. The instrctions are not so wonderful. They assume you know what they are on about!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Bah ha ha
    Thanks for the laugh as always...

    You will beat this thing...plod plod plod with all the aforementioned bits thrown in or not *grin*

    ReplyDelete
  51. Have a look at the Dutch way of the magic ring (Opzetten met draadring) http://hobbydoos.nl/haken/haaktechnieken.asp#ring
    I find this way working better than the ones I have seen in the Amigurumi books.

    ReplyDelete

Hellloooooo !!!!