Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to our first informative session with Doctor Craft.
Todays case whilst not unusual, is often misdiagnosed.
The patient (lets call her Jodie) presented as slightly distressed and obviously in need of expert medical attention.
She carried with her, the remains of what she says was to be a messenger style bag. I observed a collaboration of fabrics and vinyl, obviously sewn and unpicked many times.
She claims she had made one recently and it worked fine, she went on to say that she had also helped a friend make one. Again it was fine. But this third attempt had, I have to say, gone horribly wrong. I have seen some horrors in my time but this shocked, even me.
An interesting case.
Was she just a woman with delusions of craft grandeur? Did she really make those others successfully?
The patient was concerned that this string of abject failures may have to result in a total craftectomy . She felt her identity was so tied up in her craft that she could not be left craft-less. She felt she would be losing part of herself. She seemed to be a little hysterical at this point and I felt there may be more to the story.
It turns out, and it obviously pained her to admit it.....that she had spent the whole afternoon trying to make a small zippered pouch. She explained to me that she had made so many of these in her time that she should be able to do it in her sleep. She has even written tutorials showing other people how to make them. Again, after three attempts......unmitigated disaster.
I turned from the project in horror.
Although I didn't feel that a craftectomy was called for in this case, when presented with someone of such obvious mental frailty, there is certainly some argument for total removal of the crafting gene, if only to lessen the distress when things go wrong.
After some consulatation among my peers, I was able to accurately diagnose, (much to the patients relief), a common but somewhat severe case of EITTTS .
EITTTS (Everything I touch turns to sh*t),
While a quite distressing and sometimes frequently reoccurring problem, it is totally harmless. Over time, and with due diligence, crafters often begin to self-diagnose and also learn to treat themselves in the comfort of their own homes.
A range of therapies, including chocolate eating, beer drinking, book reading, movie watching, life having and couch sitting have been known to be effective. These treatments may be employed as often as needed and in whichever configuration best suits the patient . The reading of craft magazines and books is permitted so long as it does not result in the patient beginning any new projects. In that event, all magazines and books of a crafting nature should be taken from the patient for their own good......
Ladies and Gentlemen, keep an eye on your loved ones and keep an eye out for the signs of Early Onset EITTTS .
It may not be curable.........but it is treatable
See you in our next episode where the enigmatic Doctor will look at the perplexing question......How many projects are too many?