(With tongue firmly in cheek)
I am here to talk to you today about giving, spreading joy, lightening other peoples load......
It fills me with joy to know that sometimes my blog cheers people up, and makes them smile. It gladdens my heart that I can provide a little flicker of light in a darkened world. That this tiny portal into my perfect, rarefied existence helps people through their day....
In the spirit of self sacrifice and in an effort to lighten your day, I have to share with you all, my friends, one piece of information.
Yesterday I had to buy a new oven.
OK Go on, fall about laughing, piss yourself, snort hot tea out your noses.....make jokes at my expense.....
I deserve it!
OK Go on, fall about laughing, piss yourself, snort hot tea out your noses.....make jokes at my expense.....
I deserve it!
and you know I'd do the same to you !
It would seem it is not best practice , when confronted with a sea of bubbly blue lava at the bottom of ones oven, to place oneself amidst the possible deadly fumes and try and scoop, spoon, spatula and woman-handle the molten burning hot lava out of the oven.... No ! It is best, apparently, to immediately cool the oven (how exactly???) and let the said molten lava reset before removing it. My slightly hysterical excavation of the blue chopping board burial site, caused said molten lava to access areas of the under-oven blue molten lava should not access.
I suspect we shouldn't have eaten the roast either.....
Well look at this way ... at least you wont have to clean it for a while ... unless you decide to cook another chopping board of course hahhahaha !
ReplyDeleteHHmm if that's how you get a new oven think I'll go cook a chopping board too!
ReplyDeleteoooooohhh...well thanks for sharing that piece of information! I would do the same thing, try to get the bubbly lava out of the oven asap, thinking it would be permanently stuck if I left it to cool off. So now, when I eventually melt plastic in my oven -it is bound to happen sooner or later- then I will know what to do!
ReplyDeleteOh...and congrats on your new oven too. Your way of getting one is far better than spending months trying to convince dh ;)
I would have never thought to do this ... and I really would like a new oven ;-0 Hope you have good lungs!
ReplyDeleteLoud gafaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! XX
ReplyDeletejeez- yeah, worried about the fact that you ate the roast! Is your wee blue?
Oh man, that's a serious waste of good fabric buying dollars. I laugh not in the face of such tragic loss of potential craft materials. I do hope you find a renewed love of baking but...
ReplyDeleteOh, no! Man, they sure don't teach you that in Home Ec, do they?
ReplyDeleteoh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh dear!
ReplyDeleteROFL!!
This reminds me of when my mom accidentally cooked my sister's "My Little Pony" 20+ years ago. We had to eat the roast too and none of us will ever forget it! The funniest part was that my mom never liked that toy - so was it really an accident? Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteDo they sell silicone oven liners in Australia? I have one on the bottom of my oven just in case I ever make a similar mistake.
OK Admitting to a mild titter at this end (well, actually a full blown belly chuckle but I wont admit to that as I am aure it wont make you feel any better)
ReplyDeleteAh, your strategy, its a stroke of genius. I have earmarked some melamine wear for the dodgy oven and am about to go and fill up the tank of my 20 year old car with paint. I'll let you know whether Mr HB immediate replaces said items or files for divorce.
ReplyDeletePS. We recently ate a roast that had been accidentally cooked in part of the shrink wrapping. Who's going to waste good lamb at that price?!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, my immed. rxn was that of Jo in TAS (since I want a new oven.). Reminds me of my mother, who prompted my Dad to replace our b&w set with a color TV by watering the flowers at the front of the house with an automatic sprinkler. And the windows were open. (This was about 1970?)
ReplyDeleteTee Hee.
WendyBee
I hope it was covered by insurance...
ReplyDeleteI also hope you get a really nice new (self-cleaning) oven.
My mum once 'defrosted' a roast in the microwave.... while it still had the glad wrap around it and styrofoam tray that was full of CFC's back then.
ReplyDeleteLets just say that even glad wrap can't survive after that much time in the microwave, even on defrost!
You are not alone.
I look forward to seeing what you create in the new oven :o)
Ab
Ps. Are you even allowed to use the new oven?.....
You had better go and do some serious sewing to help you get over the shock..
ReplyDeleteI love that you ate the roast. Waste not, want not. After inhaling all those fumes in the cleanout you probably have no idea if the meat was plastic flavoured.
ReplyDeleteThe part I laughed at the most was the roast comment!! hehehe!
ReplyDeleteI guess a self-cleaning oven wouldn't have been any help in your case! Laughing hysterically, trying not to wet my pants, thank gosh no tea in hand. Perhaps the chemicals transferred to your roast are preservatives and you'll all live longer. One can hope!
ReplyDeleteRIP old oven, not to be tormented any longer.
ReplyDeleteTimber chopping boards from now on?
You are bringing back a few oven disasters of my own. I thought I was being clever hiding a huge block of chocolate in mine (well no one else opens it do they) even I forgot it was there.....until I went to use it next time by the time I opened the door I had roast choccy and burnt paper.....oven OK though.
Ok so now I'm really trying not to laugh - and don't worry I won't tell Ashley - no doubt in his career as a Sparky he has seen worse.....roflmol.
ReplyDeleteOhhh........ no......... (I'm trying to act sympathetic here)..... that's terrible......! I really am sad for you.... that's an expensive way to find out that you shouldn't cook your chopping board. At least you won't have to clean your new one for a while!!
ReplyDeleteKeep entertain us. We do love you and you do keep us laughing. Beautiful girl.
ReplyDeleteI love the label for this post Sweets... you ARE a crack up...! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHow sweet you are to share. Life's dilemmas are best when we can stand back and laugh with our friends!
ReplyDeleteHope you got a great oven in the deal.
Oh God. You ATE the petro-chemical glazed blue roast?
ReplyDeleteFlipping heck - I had just recovered from the nausea of that blue blob and now you tell me you ate it...
ReplyDeleteToo early for beer - better have a cup of tea instead!
Sounds the similar to the recent blogger who let her two year old loose with some paly dough on her computer and camera, alas, she needed new ones too! Nice work !
ReplyDeleteI hope for happier days for you and your new oven!
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious, just as good as cooking the chook THEN discovering that the black plasticy thingy, that soaks up all the juices while the said chook is sitting in the supermarket, is still attached to the bottom - cooked and melted squishy mess!!! And yes, I did feed it to the sister and brother-in-law and kept my fingers crossed they didn't die!!!
ReplyDeleteLizzie
XXX
I controlled the fits of hysterical laughter until, that is, I read all the comments of those you thought were friends. Now my side are splitting.
ReplyDeleteBTW a molten sink plug stuck to the bottom of a pot of boiling water has a similar effect when trailed across the kitchen.
can't speak......pissing myself laughing!!!
ReplyDeletesorry couldnt help but let the coffee escape all over the keyboard......its been sooo close that happening in this house its not funny, melted things on the bottom of the dishwasher is a regular occurrance here LOL
ReplyDeleteOh dear indeed!! Such is life, but unless you're passionate about ovens, not particularly 'rush out the door' purchase is it?? We have Army issued ovens - haven't been able to make a good sponge rise since i got married (no matter which state or territory we're in, it's the same cheap rental style Chef oven!!) I'm a stove top cooker when i can!! Love Posie
ReplyDeleteSorry Jodie....just finished reading all commments re your oven adventures....seriously NOT laughing at you but with you....the tears are just streaming and my kids are wondering what the hell I'm laughing at in front of the computer....
ReplyDeleteI hope you have many adventures with said new oven....DO NOT TAKE ANY BLUE PLASTIC ITEMS NEAR IT!!! ok?????
Glad there's quite a few others out there like us....
cheers Julz
Ah weeell! Live 'n learn. Live 'n learn. At least you'll know the reason why you'll all die early. ;(( Cherrie
ReplyDeleteOh poor you. We had a similar incident recently when my husband pulled a very cheap bottle of wine out of the wine rack (over the oven) and dropped it onto the ceramic top, smashing it to smithereens. He managed to save the bottle of wine, which turns out to be one the most expensive bottles we've ever had the pleasure of drinking...!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!!! You ate the roast? You were supposed to give the kids the CHOPPING BOARD!!!!
ReplyDelete(Little tip - buy wooden chopping boards, because A they give the chook that wood smoked flavour when you forget to remove them from the oven! And B, they dont melt when baked at 200 degrees)
OMGoodness, the things you do to bring joy into the lives of others, what a giver you are!!!! LOL :-)
ReplyDeleteOn the theme of blue plastic in food - My friend is a talented chef, so I though I'd make a fancy puff pastry rectangular shell and fill it with grilled apricots and mascarpone. I did, and so we had a grilled apricot and mascarpone puff pastry tart with melted blue layers of plastic between the ready rolled sheets that I had layered to make the perfect rectangular shell. There is a cafe near me called the Blue Olive. I can never go there.
ReplyDeleteMy husband blew up my oven a few days before Thanksgiving. Blew up, as in explosion.
ReplyDeleteDo you have someone else you can blame it on? Maybe the cat?
I hate our oven. I also hate cleaning it. I am tempted to find a blue chopping board... who would have thunk it that one little chopping board could take out an entire oven?!
ReplyDeletethanks for the giggle!
oh no you poor love! they'll be talking about that at christmas at your house for a loooooong time! oven jokes! oh dear!!!!!
ReplyDeletecorrie:)
I must tell my sister that one...she badly needs a new oven but when something goes wrong, her electician husband fixes it! lol!
ReplyDeleteLove visiting your blog...I always leave with a smile!
Lisa
OMG I had no idea you ate anything after viewing the molten mess, do you glow in the dark now? Good excuse to go out for dinner, i'd say. ROFL Annie
ReplyDeleteDude, you're giving me ideas! My oven is from 1973 and is an awful thing. And I have that exact shade of blue chopping board too ..
ReplyDeleteWay better move than cleaning it!
ReplyDeletePMSL :) Is the new oven totally fab??? I hope so!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Jodie,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the new oven...sounds like all the humans have survived the crisis. Hey I had to wait for 2 years and be having 17 people over for xmas dinner before I deceased oven (which finally gave up the ghost despite being held together by hockey straps) was replaced.
Thanks for the laughs.
hugs,
Sharon
Well, at least you got the new oven. You might want to pretend that you meant to cook the chopping board just so you could get a new oven.
ReplyDeleteThat approach works for cats. And you are easily smarter than a cat.
oh, you have totally made my day!!!! this has totally cracked me up!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh.. what a duffer you are!!! too freaking funny.. you'll do anything to get out of cooking wont you???? I bet it caused a kerfuffle having a toxic roast! teehee...
ReplyDeleteI did have a wee mishap with my oven.. I accidentally dropped a potato bake in it, potatoes, cream and lots of cheese caked in the bottom of the oven.. I did wait for it to COOL before cleaning it up! what fun.. glad I didn't clean the oven the week before!
That was so generous of you to sacrifice your oven just to make us laugh. I hope there were no ill effects from eating the roast!
ReplyDeleteNot to worry Jodie - I'm sure people have eaten worse.
ReplyDeleteNot much worse....and they may not have lived to tell the tale but hey at least you got a nice new oven out of it.
Did you buy a new chopping board at the same time?
xxx
I think you're doing a great public service!
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of us who want and need new ovens, and cooking some plastic should expedite the getting of said new ovens greatly. :D
And at the very least, you're giving us all a jolly good giggle over this. :)
You know i once worked with a chef who cooked a shit load of puddings in plastic moulds in the oven, he'd forgot to switch it to steam. Needless to say the puddings didn't make it and he spent a lot of his day cleaning out the oven ;)
ReplyDeleteO M G this is the best laugh of the year and the year has just started I wonder what your next giggle will be.?
ReplyDeleteHugs Mary.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteYou realise that the best thing about a new kitchen appliance is that you wont have to clean it for ages! Susan
ReplyDeleteSorry Jodie but yes that is funny. If it's any consoltation I had to get 2 new ovens in five weeks because the old new oven's inner door just shattered one afternoon for no apparent reason. Good luck, and don't buy a Westinghouse.
ReplyDeleteSuppose I shouldn't really drink the tea I just snorted through my nose either .
ReplyDeleteMy oven just looks as if something has melted to the bottom of it. Perhaps 'clean oven' should be one of my New Year resolutions.
ReplyDelete(love your postcards, by the way, what a cool idea).
Happy New Year x x
You needed or wanted a new one anyway, right, Jodie? RIGHT!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the expense, though. I hope you love your new one.... ours is relatively young and I was amazed at all the new features that stoves and ovens have now. Good luck!
I'm going to take this as a warning that quilters should only enter the kitchen when it's absolutely necessary. Otherwise, I'll be in the quilting room. It's much safer for everybody that way.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year, Jodie! Thanks for the chuckle. (Now I have to clean up all the tea.)
Karen
I hope at least it is a beautiful oven. Did you ever say exactly how the cutting board made its way into the oven? Missed that part, maybe that's a good thing. You did lighten my day! Big fan of your blog,
ReplyDeleteDeborah
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh Jody! This is funny ... and all the comments to go with it! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how old my oven is, but I love it. It could stand a good cleaning, but I just can't make as drastic a decision as you!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Now you will have to take pictures of the new oven so we can see if it really was worth cooking your cutting board over. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hugs to you,
Yvette
At least you got a new oven! My daughter once tried to cook in a glass lasagna pan over two gas burners. Shattered. Food ruined.
ReplyDeleteOooohhhhh Noooooo! (But hey -- thanks for the great tip on how to get a new oven!) Now, we'll be expecting some fabulous baked goods!
ReplyDeleteoh no Jodie.....
ReplyDeleteWell let me know all about ovens because we will be getting a new one with in the year I think....
I want to get one of those self cleaner ones- you know so I dont have to clean it!!!!
Hahahaha...snort....hahaha....opps, gotta go to the loo!
ReplyDeletewell, congrats on the new oven! i know my husband would love to replace the one we have. don't be embarrassed i once cleaned a hot light bulb with fantastic...not a good idea.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! :O
ReplyDeleteFirstly, glad you're ok, fumes and all and secondly, enjoy your new oven.
I suppose this is where you want me to be sympathetic and supportive because that's what friends do - right.... well, this friend just laughed so loud that the entire family came to investigate and now said family of four are all in hysterics.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Jodie, but you have to admit, a roasted blue chopping board is not something you see every day.
Dear,dear Jodie, Just this January 2nd, past Saturday, I walked away from my snappy, cool pot-filler over my gas cook top in my beautifully remodeled kitchen while filling a pasta pot. Only minutes later, I looked over my shoulder to see water flooding my cook top and going down into my storage drawers below. Four of the five burners are working as they should but one remains stubbornly clicky. I share your pain and the "I am an Idiot" status.
ReplyDeleteAll the best and lots of love, Mona in Texas
I admit it, I laughed right out loud. But what really got me, was the fact that you ate the roast!! Enjoy your new oven even if it was not acquired for reasons you want to admit.
ReplyDeleteDoes "You Numpty" translate into Oz-speak?????
ReplyDeletesniff, snifffff
ReplyDeletebloody coffee in my nose....
snifffff
:)
Doesn't anybody else say "How?" Just so we won't do it, too.
ReplyDeleteI set my oven alight 14 years ago, with pasta bake, stuff that comes out of a jar and is poured over cooked pasta and stirred. The oven has not been replaced. I am not allowed to cook, so tinned fish and salads is my cooking, lol, I would have done that blue cooking thing too. I did try once to dry out leather boots in the oven too. the boots dried out, they turned into a hard unwearable mess, turns out they were not leather but a look alike vinyl. So oven disasters you are not alone...
ReplyDeleteYou wanna come chisel the aluminum foil that is now permanently part of my new oven??? RFLOL
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your new oven! :-)
Oh you're shitting me right? *hehe*
ReplyDeleteOh no, it's not one of those reverse psychology kind of things and you were actually trying to get rid of the 'blue chopping board' cos you hate it so much but you ended up killing the oven?
What a post, and it's only early January. Mmmm, where can she go from here?
Huge bummer. That stinks. Poor you. Hope you get some baking mojo with your new oven, surely it comes as a gift with purchase??
ReplyDeleteAre we rocket scientists? How would anyone know these things? I thought you did well in instructing us as to the perils of cooking! So.... you deserve a new oven..[even if you weren't budgeting for one - think of all the material that you could have bought....ah well]!
ReplyDeleteRainbow smiles... Gloria
My husband and I are giggling with Ernst and Sean commented, "It is like following live cartoon." YOu uplifted us more than we already were. My goal of my blog is to do the same and is titled, Em Celebrates. COme by sometime and visit. I will be back for another giggle. Thank you! EM
ReplyDelete